If you’ve ever watched a group of young children navigate a shared space, you know it’s a delicate dance. Someone reaches for the same puzzle another child wants. A chair is pulled out and another is squeezed past. A question is asked while someone else is speaking. In most classrooms, adults manage these moments with reminders, rules, or even rewards and punishments.

In Montessori, we take a different approach. We teach the skills of social interaction the same way we teach any other skill, with intention, practice, and respect. This is the work we call Grace & Courtesy.

What is Grace & Courtesy?

Grace & Courtesy lessons are short, practical demonstrations of how to interact with others and the environment in a way that respects both. They cover everything from how to greet a visitor, to how to walk around someone’s work mat, to how to offer help without interrupting.

These lessons are given proactively, not just when “problems” occur. A teacher might gather a small group and say, “Let’s practice how to wait for a turn at the water table.” Then, together, they role-play, switching places until each child has tried both waiting and serving.

Why it matters

Children are not born knowing how to navigate social spaces, these are learned behaviours. By teaching them directly, we remove the guesswork and frustration.

Grace & Courtesy builds self-control, empathy, and community awareness. A child who knows how to wait for a turn without grabbing is a child who feels confident in their place in the group. A child who can say, “May I join you?” is learning both assertiveness and respect for others.

Without rewards or punishments

In many settings, positive behaviour is reinforced with stickers or praise, and negative behaviour is met with reprimands or consequences. Montessori avoids both extremes.

Instead, we trust the natural satisfaction of contributing positively to the community. When children see that their actions make the classroom calmer, kinder, and more enjoyable, that is the reward. Mistakes are addressed with gentle redirection and opportunities to try again, not shame or penalties.

The adult as a model

Perhaps the most powerful Grace & Courtesy lesson is the one children see every day: how adults treat them and each other. A teacher who speaks calmly, listens attentively, and moves respectfully through the space is modelling those behaviours constantly.

Montessori adults also model self-correction. If a teacher accidentally interrupts a child, they might say, “I’m sorry, I interrupted you. Please finish what you were saying.” This shows children that everyone, even adults, can learn and grow in social grace.

Everyday integration

Grace & Courtesy isn’t confined to a special “lesson time.” It threads through the day.

• Offering a snack to a friend.

• Pushing in a chair after leaving a table.

• Quietly observing someone’s work without touching it.

Because these behaviours are embedded in daily life, they become habits, not just rules to follow when the teacher is watching.

The long view

Children who grow up practicing Grace & Courtesy carry those skills far beyond the classroom. They become adults who know how to listen, collaborate, and navigate differences respectfully.

And it all begins with small moments: a polite greeting, a patient wait, a thoughtful offer of help. In Montessori, we know those moments aren’t “extras”, they are the fabric of a peaceful community.