Imani parent notes
Infants

Overcoming Separation Anxiety on the First Day of School

Aug 6, 2019 3 min read By Imani Montessori School
School anxiety is awful for children and heart wrenching for parents. It’s so common, but it doesn’t always look the same. Sometimes it will dress itself up as illness (headaches, tummy aches), sometimes as a tantrum or fierce defiance, and sometimes it looks exactly as you would expect.

Ask most parents about their child’s first day of school and watch as their eyes mist over and their voices change. Even the most laid-back among us seems to recall details of the day—and all its mixed emotions—with astonishing clarity.

It’s understandable for children to experience first-day kindergarten anxiety. Imagine what it must be like to suddenly leave the familiar comfort of home and be dropped into a new environment where everything and everyone are different.

Saying goodbye on that first day can be the hardest moment for parents and children.

Here are a few  tips on how to ease the separation anxiety
  • Reintroduce the teacher to your child. Allow them to form an initial relationship. Make it clear that you trust the teacher and are at ease with her watching your child.

 

  • When it’s time to go, make sure to say goodbye to your child. Never sneak out. As tempting as it may be, leaving without saying goodbye to your child risks her trust in you. Once you say goodbye, leave promptly. A long farewell scene might only serve to reinforce a child’s sense that preschool is a bad place.  Let your child know that you’ll be there to pick her up, and say “See you later!”

 

  • Express your ease with leaving. Some parents wave from outside the classroom window or make a funny goodbye face.

 

  • Create your own ritual. Say goodbye to your child the same way every day: If you choose to hug your child goodbye, when the embrace is over, he/she will know it’s time to go to work.

 

  • Learn the other kids’ names. When you can call your child’s classmates by name (“Look, Matthew, there is a space at the train table with Eli and Katie”), it makes school seem much more familiar and safe.

 

For most children, separation anxieties are normal and will pass. The key is to watch for a gradual increase in confidence and a diminished worries.

If the anxiety continues or increases, check in with the teacher or counselor to see if they have suggestions to help your child adjust.

The adjustment process may take anywhere from a day to several weeks, so be patient. Helping your child learn to say goodbye and handle life confidently without you is just one more important developmental milestone and a part of growing up.

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