Among the many things we teach children at Imani Montessori School, is the fact that everyone has the right to be treated with dignity. Through the activities the children perform in class and outside the classroom, we show them the importance of respecting people’s choices. It is a crucial part of creating a fair and just society. But somehow this sort of respect for choice and agency is rarely extended to children.
Distractions as a Remedy
Many times, we treat children’s choices as a nuisance. And so we keep them distracted whenever we have ‘important tasks’ to perform. We give them the iPad to keep them occupied as we pack for a weekend trip to grandma’s. Or we demarcate a certain area which they’re not allowed to leave without our knowledge as we clean the house.
Our mistake lies in thinking that children do not want to be useful. That they do not want to contribute to our practical lives at home and at school in meaningful ways.
Genuine Desire to Help
Parents and guardians need to look at children as people we can rely on. Little people who can pull a little weight in our daily lives. Children have no malice or ill intention and so when they try to get involved in a certain task, we should be kind enough to see their genuine desire to help. Instead of pushing them them away with distractions, we can afford them the grace to try. At home this might look like allowing them to make their bed or setting the table for lunch. Of course this does not mean that we start allowing children to clean countertops and cook for us. The tasks we should allow our children to perform in service should be appropriate and considerate of the age of the child and their personal preferences.
Exercising Agency
We should support children to start helping out and exercising their agency as early as possible. How can we expect children to know what they want to do at 15 years when we do not encourage their agency and decision-making when they are younger? At Imani Montessori School we advocate for children to adopt an ‘I can do it myself’ attitude. This way, children grow up knowing their participation can be valuable in the larger community. It allows them to build a sense of themselves as active participants in society who make a difference.
Supporting Children Through Presence and Patience
The next time you give your child a task and you notice them struggling with it, do not be quick to step in and finish the task on their behalf. Instead, be present and patient as they struggle. Offer support if they ask for it but don’t complete the task for them. And if you’re wondering what you can allow your children to do around the home environment, the trick is to look for small parts in every activity that are suitable for them. Be ready to spot opportunities like these when they come up.
Join the Conversation